Seasonal musings – it is valentine’s month!!!
Ever seen hopeless romantics?
The kind who go into depression when deprived of love?
The kind who cannot handle heartbreaks and loss of loved ones?
The kind who fall for anyone who seem loving and caring?
The kind who feel intimidated by people who cannot love or care?
Yes, such people exist. They may seem foolish to a lot of practical people out there. But, the truth is that they exist amongst us.
They are not weak. In fact they may be stronger than most when it comes to standing up for their love and loved ones. It is just that most of them come across as sweet, gullible and of course super romantic (when they are in love, or maybe even most of the time).
I have always wondered why such people cannot change. They fall in love, sometimes get ditched, take months and years to heal, but fall in love again.
We Indians loathe people who do not go by the wishes of their families and set out to find partners on their own. I remember this friend from college who was being pursued by every guy around. She was good at studies, beautiful, smart and a lovely human being. She had also had a boyfriend before coming to our college. Somehow that made everyone feel that she deserved no respect. When another filthy boyfriend of hers decided to publish their private conversations, instead of empathizing with the poor girl, everyone saw her in a dirty light and empathized with the boy. She left him for good. I know now. How difficult would it have been to live with an idiot who goes public with your private life and conversations about sex after every fight? Well, she found true love later and I am hoping she lives happily ever after like in the fairy tales. Back then in college, even I had kept myself away from her because of all the stories and storytellers who did what they best did. Later on in life, after I lived a bit longer and saw a lot more of life, I realized how wrong I was. I should have supported her instead of leaving her to the wolves. In fact, all of us should have done that. Apologies to that lovely friend if she happens to read this some day.
Th point is, we are too quick to judge. Who is anyone to judge a person in love? What right does anyone have to interfere in someone else’s love life? Do you understand how that person thinks? Do you understand how that person feels? So cut the crap, stop judging. If a good friend needs to discuss their love life with you, do it. Hear them out, keep the judge in you aside until you are done. Give sensible advise, not as a judge, but as a true well-wishing friend. That was for all the love judges out there.
And for anyone who thinks falling in love is a mistake, it is not. It is a beautiful feeling. The ” fluttering butterflies”, “fastening heartbeats” – these are a few sensations everyone simply deserves to feel at least once in their life time. And if you have had too many lovers in a life time, it is probably because you have not found the right one yet. Keep trying until you find “the one” for you. Even if you never find that one, just keep loving if you feel like it, but without any regrets. What is done, is done. Never look back and regret. If you get ditched – swear, throw tantrums, just let the steam out and move on. You have no business being in a relationship that has reached its expiry date already. Do not cling on to people who do not need you in their lives anymore. Easily said than done, but trust me. It is all in your own head. Your mind is yours to maneuver.
And for married people, yes marriage comes with a free package of families. These package might not fit into your life perfectly sometimes. Remember that your marriage gets complicated only when these package open and spills into your private room which is demarcated for the two in love. Keep your private rooms private, there is no need for the packages to get involved there. Their advice is required only to solve larger family issues and not issues within the private room.
That was it I guess – my shareable thoughts for this Valentine’s season. Keep loving. 🙂
The Growing Ball Trap
Sleep, sleep and more sleep.
Dream, dream and more dreams,
Worthy to have been honoured,
With a life that no sane one could wish for.
Aggressiveness in the Corporate World
Have you ever felt that aggressiveness is mistaken for assertiveness in the corporate world? I have – not once, multiple times. People oversee good performance, but never fail to see lack of aggressiveness. Compassion is seen as a weakness. Being nice is inappropriate, being rude and unapproachable is cool.
I am an introvert by nature. I am wired that way, and beyond change as per science, but this world says otherwise, and so do my fellow beings. They keep insisting that I change. I should break myself and mould myself into an aggressive person so that I can fit better into their space, so that they can accept me and consider me one among themselves.
Would you believe me that our system is to be blamed for this whole concept? Yes, you should, because I can prove it to you. Let us go back to as far as school days. Quiet and timid children keep getting bullied, sometimes by friends and even by teachers. I have heard multiple teachers make remarks like “She is always in her shell, good at studies, obedient, good at a lot of thinks, but not outspoken. She has to be louder and make herself heard.” I wished they could see my skills through my accomplishments, but they always yearned to see me as a rockstar…meh.
Now let us travel a bit farther ahead into college. Here comes class participation. If that was the only way to get marks at college, I would have flunked every subject. I am incapable of adding on to noise. I do ask questions, but only if I have a genuine query, not for the sake of it. I would rather ask a doubt after the class, so that I can save my sound energy from being drowned in the chaos. Finally placements, and you have group discussions to brutally murder everything you built in all those years at college. I cannot bite the bread from somebody else’s mouth. That explains why I could never get through any group discussion that did not endorse a written or spoken summary. Did I ever feel ashamed about myself for not being capable of getting through group discussions? Not really, but the system ensured that I did. At that point I realised that my capabilities do not really matter, I should know how to make myself heard, I should learn how to sell myself. And I did try, not just try, I tried really hard, until it dawned upon me that this world is not prepared for me. I am invisible here.
Want yourself to be valued? Talk, talk and talk. All you have to do is impress by talking. I know at least a few people who can do just this, not an iota of work, but have created a space for themselves in their workplaces, because they can talk, shout, fight and do all that loudly, very loudly. I have been bullied for my feeble voice every other day. It makes me a good singer, maybe that is why god gave me this gift, but that does not matter. I have to shout my lungs out to impress the system. I cannot do that consistently for more than 5 minutes. I will be drained out. Give me a mic and put me on the stage. I can speak, make myself heard and I can impress, because the stage is all mine. There is no noise to conquer, other than the inner voice which understands me totally.
Compassion is not a virtue in the world I live, definitely not at work. Nobody, except your subordinates value it. Your peers take it as your weakness and your superiors see you as a misfit in the organisation. No matter, how good the quality of your work might be, no matter how fast you can accomplish tasks, you are still not good enough, because you cannot decorate yourself the way they want you to. You are just not that talking Christmas tree. I live in an age where people give lectures on acceptance of introverts and fall back when it comes to actually practicing what they preach.
As an introvert and as an ambitious individual I feel it is important to create awareness about the existence of introverts in the first place. Stop telling us how we can change ourselves. Stop coaxing us into changing ourselves. Maybe the system can help by adding another category to the definition of diversity at workplace and try not to measure all human beings using the same standards. Let the introverts co-exist on this planet.
I am an Introvert
I am an introvert
I love solitude
I have my choices
I cannot assimilate all humans
I cannot endure fanfare of some sorts
I conserve my energy,
to think deep and wild;
to spend on things I value,
and on people I adore.
They are not a crowd,
but I have their back, and they mine.
Empathy is my strength,
compassion is my being,
I wonder why it bothers you,
Just let me be, I am fine.
Ch.4 Dreams and Uninvited Guests
Why leave me gifts that I hate to wish for?
Why gift me such, when all I want is peace?
Why not leave me alone to choose my own gifts?
I would rather not have any that are meant to strike my state of ease.
Ch.3 Hidden Introduction to Strange Company and Hope
Solitude of this kind makes me unaware.
The roots that bind my person,
makes me yearn for freedom and more.
I wish there was light to lead,
I wish there was music to soothe,
I wish I knew the complete story,
I wish I had some vision and more.
Ch.2 Planning the Escape
“What if all my theories were completely farce? What if I am in someplace too dangerous for people-kind? What if I am already no more? Could that be possible? That means there is life after death! This was another area of science I would have loved to work on and then earn a Nobel Prize. There would have been so much more to brag about. Wait, but how could I die, or rather, why would I die? It is not that we invite death voluntarily, but still, I do not really like this idea that just sprang up in my head. I would at least want to feel a bit bored of life or just too overwhelmed by whatever life offered me with before death approached.”
Ch.1 The Truth about Twigs
“What is a person about to gain while wishing for somebody else’s fall? What is the person who clings on to ego going to gain in life? What is a person who swears by one’s money going to take along to the grave anyway? How is the person who kills in the name of religion, race, sex, hatred, and food going to justify one’s own existence when asked to explain? There are so many more of them to categorise if time permits. At the end of the day, they all have one end game: harm and take sadistic pleasure in it. When will that one day dawn when they realise that they who wish evil for others are damn gross and ignoble? If karma is a certified bitch, it will surely strike them back. Those who deserve the strike will certainly be struck hard. Only if they could be made to realise their follies through acts of kindness and made to mend their ways. World would have been a totally different place that way. The badge of innocence would have stuck on beyond childhood in that case. Now that is my idea of a utopian state that I so wish came true someday.”
